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Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result. That is me, my life. I am insane. Every day I expect it to be different. For me to find a way out the mundane doldrums I get to now call living. Thirteen years of marriage and I am almost afraid to move from the spot I lay in because it may wake her up, and I don’t feel like dealing with her. Her anger, her snapping at me for not sorting the clothes properly and other shit I don’t give two fucks about, but mostly how cold she is towards me. I roll over slowly and face her sleeping form. Her lean shoulder is peeking out from under the blanket, along with one foot. I smiled. She was still beautiful. Alexa still has the same small nose and dark blond hair. Lashes are still long as they lay across her sleeping cheeks, above her pink turns up lips. As peaceful as she is, I still want to take one of the pillows separating us to suffocate her and her whistle. I won’t, but holy shit, it seems my. We can'tresist. In the whole expedition there has been no suggestion that anyonehas suspected that she is anything but a girl and we point this out to herwhen we get home as a boost to her self-esteem. It makes her very proud ofherself.The next day we send her out by herself to the supermarket to do theregular grocery shopping with a little RAPUNZEL encouragement. Each ofthese trips increases her confidence when the people accept her as a girlwithout question. We also initiate her training in female behaviour andshe is so eager to learn that it's almost too easy. For instance we hadthought she would need help walking in high heels, but she doesn't needany help at all. It's as if she was born to it. She sways her hips andwaggles her bum like a professional. She can sit and stand as if she'sbeen doing it all her life. There are some things like the way she holdsher hands and arms and bending to pick things up that require some workbut one or two demonstrations and she's got it, then we.
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